So, after burning nearly an hour of my time on the phone with FloridaBlue, dealing with obstinate, ignorant reps who are itching for the chance to pass you off to someone else, I finally flung the phone at the wall, and at some point managed to get someone in their webchat who could actually resolve my issue.

And it’s not as if this was a difficult thing. I just wanted to know why I HADN’T RECEIVED A BILL IN MONTHS! I was only getting them paid on time because I was proactive enough to log into the website and find out my bill. I would have thought GETTING PAID would be high on the list of Important Things reps would be instructed to address, but apparently, it is not.

The worst thing, though, is they have the nerve to ask my opinion of their customer service after the fact, and if I was likely to recommend them to a friend. And I am thinking, “Well, this guy was ok, but he’s like the only one.”

So I wrote them this:

Your customer service is abysmal. We’re talking do-it-yourself dentistry levels of misery EVERY TIME I try to resolve anything by voice. After spending far too long on the phone, I finally dug around on how to get some help via chat and got the answers I needed.

Do-it-yourself dentistry, guys. Without novocaine. That’s what it’s like dealing with 99% of your agents. I FINALLY found someone knowledgeable, but it took entirely too much of my time. How am I supposed to earn money to pay your exorbitant rates, when you think nothing of wasting a half hour of my time just to figure out how to PAY YOU?

So, no, I would not recommend you to a friend, or even an enemy. I would not pay you at all if I had any alternative. You literally have me in a life-or-death hold.

I can’t even imagine what benefit you imagined this little survey would have. The IRS is more likely to get a positive review.

To the poor bastard who has to read these things: You’re welcome. It must be really dreary, slogging through this stuff. Yes, I had fun, too.